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Entry #1--September 2nd, 2000

Well, today's the last Saturday I'll have before I have to become a slave again. -__-;; Slave to those beings known as teachers. I'm not really looking forward to Gr. 12. Not that I'm scared I'll do bad, but I just don't feel very enthusiastic about it. Actually, this whole summer wasn't as awesome as I thought. GQ Camp 2000 was very good, but after that...it's downhill. My spiritual life, especially, became very stagnant...I think I need to do more devotions to get back on track. With the addition of Gr. 12, my relationship with God will be very tough, I think. O__O;;

Otherwise...I guess I do wanna go to school and see my friends again. I miss them a lot. And it grieves me to know that this is the last year I'll have with them. I mean, once you're out of high school, you can never go back. High school will be nothing but a thing of the past, something that I can only see again in a reverie. This realization is somewhat eye-opening. I've wanted to get out of school so much, but now, when I look closer, I realize that perhaps, I might not want to. It's a comfort zone, and real life is so much more abusive. I may be childish, I may be foolish, but I don't want to grow up and have to face life without the barrier of my family and friends. This is my greatest fear, I think.

I expect myself to do my best for this new school year, and will train myself to do so if necessary. But is it worth it? Why am I working so hard for a scrap of paper that they give to you? What will a diploma or a certificate mean to me when I'm twenty years older? Will they hold any significance anymore?

So many questions...and I need answers. I pray that God will open my eyes and let me see what he wants me to do, what he wants me to be. The coming week will be tough. This I know for sure.

My mom gave me a sheet with all these verses on it...and this one struck me. "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. I do not give as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled, and do not let them be afraid. (Jn 14: 27)I hope that I can truly use this verse in the coming week.

I know I've been very somber in this diary entry...I'm usually pretty hyper but...school has its tolls. Next week, I expect myself to be a lot more happier. Until then.

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